This Book Saved My Marriage

10 years ago, my life had fallen apart.  Brent and I had been separated for 6 months, which meant no more full-time ministry, losing friendships, and selling our beautiful home.  The loss was great, the heartache was intense, the grief nearly unbearable.

Then God placed the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian in my hands.  Not a book I was too excited about reading at the moment, let me tell you.  I was weary, hurting, and beginning to lose hope.  But I decided to obey.

Starting October 1, 2004, I began reading, a chapter a day, each chapter with a prayer at the end.  The first prayer was for my husband’s wife.  Ahem.  I thought this was a “change all the things I think are wrong with him right now” book. Nope.  It started with me.  Prayers that God would change MY heart, MY attitude, MY commitment.  And it worked.  

That month of prayers changed my life, and eventually, with a lot of hard work and forgiveness on both our ends, our marriage.  On October 1, we were barely speaking.  By October 31 we were bringing Caleb to a church harvest carnival together and agreeing to go to counseling.  By November we were in counseling, and by August of 2005, after 17 months of separation, we were reunited as husband and wife.  This last August, we celebrated 19 years of marriage.

I still read the prayers in that book almost every day.  One a day for 10 years.  After that first month, I added in Stormie's book, The Power of a Praying Parent, and have read a prayer a day in that book faithfully for ten years as well.  The prayers in the book are not a replacement for an intimate conversation with God, but rather a guide for how to pray for my husband and my kids, and I have seen God work in amazing ways through them!

Every time I cycle through the prayers again, I can see how they were answered specifically that last month, that last year, over the last DECADE!  They are constant reminders of me humbling myself and entrusting my life and our family to the Lord, and of how He is So. Very. Faithful.  Every prayer in those books has been answered in a tangible way.  Every one.  Prayers for friends, teachers, relationships, health, career, fears, family, relationships with God.  

Prayer, my friends, works.  When we sit down at the feet of Jesus submitting to His will, asking for His help, He answers, and it is beautiful.  Sometimes it is as simple as a little temper tantrum problem with a toddler, and sometimes it is a miracle in a marriage.  God cares about it all, and will work in it all when we ask Him.  Have a marriage that needs saving? It starts with you, God, prayer, and trust that He will do what He promises!

Are You Still My Mom?

Today was rough.  Not the worst we’ve ever had, and not entirely unusual, but worse than it’s been in awhile.

From school pick up at 2pm ‘til I put them to bed at 7:30, it was CHAOS.  This is an incomplete recap of our afternoon and evening.  Yes, yes, there was more.

2:30-5pm Temper tantrum, wailing and gnashing of teeth (literally), rending of bedding, “I’m getting a new family,”  “I want a new mom,” (one kid), while the other was talking incessantly about two new friends she made at school in between getting upset about the other one being upset and responding with verbal abuse to said other child.  Temper tantrum regarding the fact that I let sister play with old (not connected) iPhone while she played with BRAND NEW KINDLE FIRE she owns because she won it in a library raffle.   Said electronics were confiscated for the evening. It was a downward spiral from there.

5-7:30pm.  More crying, fighting, bickering.  “Can we go play with our new bouncy balls in the field behind the house?”  Yes, please.  Stay where you can see our house.  Husband walks in door from 12 hours at work at almond harvest, to eat dinner and leave again, and I turn around and they are out of sight.  I run out into the 30 ACRE  field.  Nowhere to be found.  I hear a blood curdling scream, still can’t see anyone.  After screaming their names myself, I see Annie running to me, “Amie’s stuck!”  I run down our row of houses backing up to the field, to what would be the OTHER END OF THE BLOCK and there is Amie, holding onto a fence crying and screaming like a banshee because HER SHOE IS IN SOMEONE’S BACKYARD.  I retrieve shoe.  I retrieve children and dog and dolls and bouncy balls.

Walk back.  Tell girls to play in back yard.  Feed husband.  Try to talk to husband. “I want water.”  “You can wait.  I’m trying to talk to Dad.”  Look out the window.  She is filling a cup of water from the pool.  I decide I don’t care.  Until she drops said cup and decides to stick her head UNDER THE POOL COVER to try to grab the cup.  Fails.  Decides WHAT THE HELL and throws 3 cups, a plate full of paint from painting earlier (I won’t say how many days earlier), a fairy house from painting unnamed days earlier, and a chair.  Literally all in one minute.  I head out and make her clean it all up.  Walk back in, husband has finished food and is gone.

I had actually been a trouper to this point.  Used my “don’t mess with mommy” voice, but didn’t yell, didn’t spank, held at appropriate times, and held firm at appropriate times.  But this time, I cry.

I tried to explain that their bad choices literally took the 5 minutes we had with Daddy today away from us, and that our tired Daddy came home for a little rest and food, and got CHAOS.  Annie, “I’m sorry, Mommy.”  Amie, “Are you still my mom?”

Sigh.

Are you still my mom.  She knew it was a rough day.  She knew she had crossed several lines, and her fear was if she was still mine.

In my tears, I got down on her level and looked straight in her eyes and with everything in me, said, “Yes, yes, yes.  I am and will always and forever be your mom.  No matter what you say to me, no matter what you do, I am your mom.  I chose you.  YOU ARE MINE.”  Annie wanted forgiveness, but Amie wanted to know her place in my heart was secure.

Wearily, I got them both to bed.  (Tee shirts and dirty faces and tangled hair and no brushing of teeth this night and I don’t care.)  I did threaten big trouble if there were any nighttime wanderings.  I don’t think I could be held accountable for what I may do if I were to have to parent any more.  I made myself a stiff drink (don’t judge) and sat by the pool in the cool of the evening.  Out came the stars, and right in front of me, the Big Dipper.

I have looked out at that constellation many an evening–particularly when we lived in Washington, I would go out on our balcony each night and look at it a few minutes while listening to the frogs sing in the creek nearby.  It always makes me ponder God’s greatness, His bigness, and His faithfulness.  It’s always there.  He’s always there.

As I looked this night at the Big Dipper so large, so close, framed by the perimeter of our fenced back yard, I thought of Chris Tomlin’s song, “You are Amazing, God.” He sings, “You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name, you are amazing, God.”  I was reminded again of God’s great love, and God’s great faithfulness to me.  He is bigger than behavioral problems.  He is bigger than chairs in the pool and messes on the floor, and dinner thrown in the trash.  He loves me and has chosen me and I will always be His.  He is faithful to me in this calling he has placed on me to be these children's mommy.  He is faithful to them, to call them to a higher purpose, and to love them as they are.  He chose them, literally pulled them out of the muck and mire of their former homes and gave them a firm place to stand with Him and with us.

And maybe, as I parent them, in a day like to today, and with all my heart can say, “Yes, yes, yes, I am your mommy forever no matter what!”, I will be able to help them get a glimpse of God’s faithfulness, His everlasting love, and their eternal belonging to them.  His choosing of them.  That, my friends, will make it all worth it.  For now, I’ll be happy if they sleep all night.  I’m off to do laundry and bed, and love them more tomorrow.

Job is My Patron Saint

Job is my patron saint. Job was a guy who lost it all in one devastating swoop - kids, property, livelihood, friends. People who were watching what was happening to his life were telling him to curse God and die, it was all so awful.

Seven years ago I was down to almost nothing, too. Brent and I were separated and barely speaking, people I thought were my friends dropped out of my life in the wake of my marriage’s demise, I had given up my ministry career of a decade, we had sold our dream home and Caleb and I were living in a tiny little guest house on an alley. My saving grace was our amazing son, a few supportive friends, family, and God’s great faithfulness. But that Thanksgiving, I felt like Job.

God restored our marriage and gave us a new ministry and new home, but immediately we suffered through a miscarriage. Over the next few years there more miscarriages.
Yep, Job again.

But God has a way of restoring what’s been taken, of healing what’s been hurt, of giving us back what the locusts have eaten. It doesn’t always look the way we think it’s going to, or the way we want it to be. It’s usually much more difficult, and it’s usually unbelievably better than we could have ever imagined.

Job is my patron saint, because of what I’ve lost, and because of what I have been given. The rest of Job’s story is that God restores what has been taken away from him - family, wealth, and so much more!

This Thanksgiving, I celebrate that I can identify with Job. God has changed my life as well with an incredible husband, a wonderful son, and not one, but two daughters we received into our family through adoption. We have a beautiful home, a supportive family, good friends, a new church, and a place in continuing the 3rd and 4th generations of the family almond ranch.

Yes, Job is my patron saint, because the second half of his story reminds me that God has plans to bring beauty from ashes, turn mourning into dancing, and bring hope out of despair. Restoration, healing, miracles, and new beginnings are written into the end of Job’s story, and now ours, too.


To learn more about Job, check out the book of Job in the Bible. The Message has a great paraphrase of the story.